Jumat, 28 November 2008


This time I’d rather enjoy writing in English than in Indonesia because of some reasons, include this writing is very personal to me. By read an article in Reader’s Digest Indonesia (RDI) edition of November 2008, it realized me about something. My relationship with my father. Somehow I don’t comfortable call him ‘Dad’, I prefer with ‘father’.

On that edition, an article titled ‘The Dad Effect’ written by Claudia Cornwall interested me. Some of researches’s statistics have shown that Dad had a huge influence to their kids in their golden ages. I’ve also read a good quote that said “Fathers who use more diverse vocabulary have a positive impact on their children’s later development.” Honestly that fact made me sad, because I got it not directly from him. I got it from other men who was my mom’s partner, whether her boyfriend(s), her friends, colleagues, or whoever, except my father. For truth, my mom and my father never had a good relationship since I was 5. I often heard they yelled each other, argued, and so on that actually not good for my development as a child. And until finally they were divorced when I was on 3rd grade, I could only remember a little of good memories that I had with him. I also didn’t get a good relationship with him eversince. Sadly I got “Dad’s experiences” when my mom had a relationship with British guy named Lee Drew. He had stayed in Bogor for about 2 years. I had a really good impression when the first time I met him. When I met him on his first arrival to Indonesia in the airport, he was hiding something behind his back and later I knew it was a new edition of barbie (Beach edition) exclusively for me. As a child, I was very excited on that time and it gave me a little bit flashback when I was 5, I’ve asked my father to bought me a barbie that I saw in a toy store. My father only promised me everytime I asked for it, and as I remember, he never completed his promise. Since that time, I always compare between Lee and my father. Somehow, after his arrival, I automatically called him ‘Daddy’. And he also no problem, even glad, with that.

Back again with the reading part, in the article written that many “father” researchers are intrigued by the fact that dads have a different parenting style from moms. Whereas mothers like to soothe and calm down their children, fathers like to excite and stimulate them. Once again, I didn’t get it from my father, but from Lee. During his 2 years stay, he often picked me to some places doing some outdoor activities that stimulate my adrenaline, and also taught me some valuable lessons with his unique style. It was plenty (this word is very British, isn’t it? ^_~) of them so I can’t describe it in details. The most important thing that I’ve learned from him is how to communicate in good British English, whether in writing, speaking, listening, and reading skills. He was there for me in one phase of my golden ages. All of my friends still wondering till now how come that I have an ability to communicate in English very well. The biggest reason is him: Lee.

Oh, one more thing. A 1997 U.S. study by the National Centre for Education Statistics loked at nearly 17,000 students from Kindergarten to Grade 12 and found that there is a payoff when dads participate in activities at school, such as volunteering or attending regular school meetings, parent-teacher conferences and class meetings. The children get more A grades, enjoy school more and take part in more extracurricular activities. Dads boost their children’s school performance in othere ways, too, by reading to them or helping them wih their homework. And Lee really has done those facts to me. We had a lot of great times. I remember two things, a special time for taking care of his parrot named NATO (shorted from No Action Talk Only; because that parrot speaks a lot and a fast-learner bird!) and Strawberry Sundae’s time. Even my mom couldn’t disturb us in those two moments, hahahaha…. It was so fun, because I often got wet and bitten by NATO when I intended to cleaned up his cage and also made my clothes dirty after consumed the Strawberry Sundae. Oh God….I miss all of those old times! Okay, this is one more of important quote: “And girls whose fathers take an interest in what they do are more likely to stick with extracurricular activities such as sports, art, music and reading,” according to a 2004 U.S. study. It really happen to me! Now I’m an active capoeira player and I’ve been a good musician (guitarist) when I was on Junior High. This music interest is most influenced by Charles, another friend of my mom from New Mexico. I learned Spanish, French, and classic guitar from him.

So, the conclusion is I got less from my biologic father. But in fact, it doesn’t really matter to me because I’ve had lots of great times with ‘my other fathers’, even not for a long time. But it was trully brought a big impact to my later development. And now I’m so glad because I feel that my real father intends to fix our relationship. I call it with “Fixing broken wings”.

For addition, I have 3 cousin that experienced the same way with me and happily, they’re also getting back of a good relationship with their fathers after lost it for over 10 years. I just hope this would be an illumination for us and will lead us to a brighter future. Amin. And for you who had a very good relationship with your dad, just keep it up. Celebrate it! Because you’re so lucky to have a good childhood, not like me and my other cousins. Well done then! ^_^

1 komentar:

Riani mengatakan...

Wish U all the best, niez...
lo bner2 cwe yang kuat y...
muito axe... ;)